Happy Fuckin' Halloween

From Lil Jesus and The Naughty Nun

I have big fat man-calves

And because of this, I am unable to wear cute zip-up knee high boots. This makes me very sad, as it just doesn't feel like winter without a fun pair of boots to wear with skirts.

A badass mothafucka...

This is the bulldyke. The orange/reddish one behind her is the General Lee (the boy's bike). It's not a very good image, but whatever. Next week she gets a basket and some new reflectors.

Shit. I Ain't Scaird!

Okay, so last year my halloween haunted house adventure was tainted with too much booze (and too many pills) and by me laughing at a masked dude with glasses who got so upset at me laughing at him that he said "you don't have to be so mean!" and stormed off. And this year my first NYC haunted house experience consisted of me and the boy waiting in the pouring rain for an hour (after paying $20 each) and then being greeted by a shitty experience with little creativity and a 3D maze that went on for way too long---actually when the web site disclaims "our actors won't touch you" it kind of ruins the whole effect....so when they actually did grab my ankles (and i called them out on it) they got up, got mad, and flipped me off. Fucking shitty haunted house actors.

For a far more disturbing experience, I highly recommend Netflixing Ichi the Killer it's Japanese horror at its best.

It says FRENCH ROAST, Bitch!

Sometimes I think the woman behind the counter at my office's coffeeshop/bodega secretly refills the French Roast coffee carafe with French Vanilla just to piss me off. Honestly, if I had her shitty, miserable, low-paying job, I too would probably find immense pleasure from fucking with people's morning cup of java. Still, bitch needs to learn to read cause now I'm sipping on shit that tastes and smells like something that comes in a goddamn candle. Eww.

In other news, sadly the Bulldyke is collecting cobwebs due to the fact that the weather has once again turned to shit and will probably continue to be bad until Wilma passes making for crappy riding conditions. Fucking hurricanes...

Halloween 2005

I need a costume, and I have no ideas. The boy is going as Lil Jesus (he's on the lookout for a wood pimp goblet and a nice pair of gold fronts). Suggestions? As you know my previous costumes have included a very bloody messy Carrie, an Amish Whore, and last year I was Wilma to Lee's Fred--though somehow I think being Wild Wilma again this year would just be in bad taste. Why oh why does Halloween have to fall on a Monday this year too...boo.

Office Space

I didn't think it was possible, really...but I've proven myself wrong. I have quite literally not done one bit of work at this temp gig for the last two weeks (and counting). Aside from being extremely distracted by that other freelance gig, I have no excuse except for pure fucking laziness. I blog, check email, myspace, and shop online literally from like 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. then I think about all the projects I'm supposed to do (but there are never any deadlines, so whatever..) and then I make a cute little post-it list to remind myself of all the things I'm supposed to do. Then It's about 12:30 and I go to lunch (yesterday was spent browsing the nearby GAP and trying on way too many sale items) then I come back, do the blog, email, myspace, (and usually an online bank account) check and then by this time I'll open up AIM and pray that someone talks to me so I don't have to actually get to the list until 4 p.m. and by this time I'm just too tired to do anything else but browse blogs again or read the Times. I'm such a fucking loser. I really need to get a real job that I kinda sorta care about. It doesn't help that I'm now totally separated/displaced from the rest of my group so I sit in a cube far far away with no one to come catch me in my laziness.....

I heart food.

Saturday was enjoyed walking around Chinatown and sampling plate after plate of greasy dumplings and spring rolls for $1 (!) at the Taste of Chinatown....then I bought a bike. Seriously, I never thought I'd need/want a bike in NY but I still really don't know my way around well, and I figure the best way to explore the city (or most likely in my case, Brooklyn) is to hop on a tough ass old Raleigh cruiser (circa 1970s). I can't wait. You see so much more this way. Riding from Brooklyn to Queens alone was a fucking blast....over the bridges, pissing off drivers cause I don't know my proper traffic/street/bike rules quite yet, and of course the complete satisfaction I felt after the boy told me we had just rode like 12 miles. Awesome. And this bike is so badass (and i'm not much of a bike enthusiast) and ugly...it's black and military green so I'm hoping that it's so damn unattractive that no one will feel the need to steal it. It, by the way, is a she and I've named her the Bulldyke. Yes, she's just that tough and that ugly. So the point of it all is to just learn my outer-burough geography a little better and get my lungs back into shape (and my ass...)

Because I too support our troops.

Nonsense I tell you, nonsense.

So I've been sharing a few photos of my recent escapades with some folks from the old Bama crew, and I've received multiple comments on how thin...er, "skinny" I look. WTF? This is insane. Thanks all, but I'm eating like a fucking cow lately (the boy likes to cook. Wait, scratch that. He LOVES to cook and I'm paying the price--one homemade ravioli at a time). Maybe it's just my blissed-out New York glow. Cause I'm fucking happy as hell right now.

It's just a big fuckin' drag, man

I hate the rain. It's been raining for like a week straight--and not just showers but like downpours and it totally blows. There's a Taste of Chinatown event on Saturday and if it gets rained out, I'm gonna be one upset bitch. Plus, I'm supposed to be purchasing a bicycle this weekend too and if i do, i wanna ride it home! Grrr... Where's the sunshine and the crisp fall weather? I need a new pair of boots.

This. Is. Awesome.

Freelancing sucks

At least when you're writing about all the places you used to frequent in Birmingham (and trying to recall the little details) from a tiny-ass apartment in New York. My freelance story for Budget Living has finally passed the first draft stage, and I couldn't be happier. Thanks to all my Bama crew who helped me out so kindly with information i needed. Hopefully the stupid thing will run in the Jan/Feb issue. It's exciting, and a paying gig so I'm happy.

In other news, yep..still head over heels for the boy...who's probably reading this entry right now. And I just spend a shitload of $$ on a plane ticket to go home for Christmas. Fucking Kansas....

And I'm supposed to find out about the big job (which I interviewed for ages ago, it seems) by the end of the week. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Whatever...

Apparently there's another big terrorist threat, but this time it's been specified: A subway threat. So last night at dinner some of my friends were saying they were not going to ride the subway or go anywhere near public transportation for the rest of the week/weekend. These are people who can afford to take cabs all over the city. I, however, am just a poor bastard who must take the train unless she's 1) lost or 2) so completely inebriatated that she can't bear to wait for a train to arrive 3) happens to have an extra $20 in her pocket she doesn't mind parting with. Whatever...I doubt the terrorists have any interest in fucking with the L, anyway. Though killing a few trust-fund hipsters doesn't sound like that bad of an idea.

New Pic

Props to my new boy for creating the fun cartoon/illustration of me...clutching a can of Bud nonetheless....it's perfect.

Brain Drain

As I was battling what has turned into a nasty cough (and maybe even a fever) this morning on the train, I was desperately trying to figure out who the dude standing next to me was...someone I met online? someone I knew from school? someone on TV? Ah, yes. Reality TV....now which one, cause I've got a problem with it you all know. The Real World? Nah, I haven't had cable in years...must be Fox programming...the Apprentice? Maybe...Then it hit me. Holy Shit, that's Andrew from HELL'S KITCHEN! Not only is it pathetic that I watched Hell's Kitchen (it was pretty spectacular, though) but that i recognized one of the losers on it.
I'm so lame.