More reflections on the emotional/financial plight of a soon-to-be 26 year old
First of all, I would like to say that I am not one to seek pity so this post isn't intended for that reason and I don't expect "poor Danielle" comments. I just have to get this off of my chest. I think i'm fairly self-sufficient both emotionally and financially. Even though I bitch about money, and my friends give me shit for being cheap, at least I don't ask for it. I'm probably too proud, but whatever. God knows my parents aren't (can't?) giving it to me at will, and Joe is hardly a sugar daddy, aside from taking care of the cable bill, allowing me to pay my half of rent in 2 portions each month, and buying me booze (and drugs). I never expect anything from anyone around Christmas or for my birthdays--and if they ask, I usually request money to pay off some bill. I don't spurge on $100 jeans or shoes. I shop at Old Navy and fucking Payless for christssake. And even though I expect to have a slightly lower salary due to my career choice in publishing and my desire to stay out of the corporate/cubicle world of it, I can't help but feel utterly lost and hopeless when it comes to days like this when I feel the incredible burden of my student loans, credit card debt, shitty salary, and inability to save up for something better bearing down on me like a ton of shit-filled bricks. What's worse, is that no one gets it. None of my friends, at least it seems. Who no doubt have, if in a pinch or bind, the comfort of knowing they have family to turn to for a couple extra hundred bucks to get them through a rough patch. Some even get it when they don't ask or even need it (lucky fucks). And that's fine. Good for them. They're fortunate. That's not my point. My point is, when I have a bad day like this and i just want to talk about it and let out my frustration with the attempt to seek some solace, the last thing i want to hear from the person on the other end of the conversation is "I don't know what to tell ya..." I hate this phrase. It does nothing to comfort me. I don't want you to tell me anything, just listen goddamnit and tell me everything is going to be okay! If my mom actually read this blog, I'd insert "yes mom, I'm talking to you..." but she doesn't so guess who get's to hear/read my frustration. That is all. And I swear to fucking god if someone comments "I don't know what to tell ya", I'll stab you in the face. Not really.
posted by danielle @ 7:36 PM
3 Comments:
Well, I DO know what to tell you, which is that I feel your pain. I've definitely been there, and I'm still there to a certain extent, mostly because I'm desperately trying to pay off the move I financed on my credit card before my 0-percent introductory interest rate ends. And why do I have this debt? Because just like you, I want to keep doing something I love, in a place where I feel like I belong. So yeah, it gets to me when I see friends who drop hundreds of dollars on one shopping trip or go out to eat all the time without thinking anything of it--while meanwhile I beat myself up for buying new Old Navy jeans for $30 because my old pair has literally worn out. But when you think about it, the alternative--working some soul-sucking job we hate just to earn the big bucks--would be much, much worse.
Danielle,
You are the shit, and I know you're going to make some shit happen. I'm not shitting you. Money is a whore, and like Clare said, at least you're going for it all! And having kids isn't an achievement unless that's what you want out of life. Any crackho can go and spawn a ghetto child and pay for diapers with welfare dolla dolla bills.
Just kidding. But really, you rock, and don't fret. You're going to tear this world a new one. It's just a matter of time.
ps - I think we need a crazy bitches reunion. Can Kerz fly you down?
Thanks, y'all.
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