Reflections on my birth...

In one month I will turn 26, or as my mother so delicately put it, "You'll be over the first hump!" Great. At 26 years old, what have I achieved really? Not much considering when my mom was 26 she was caring for me as a newborn. And some people I graduated high school with have squeezed out THREE kids by age 26. Not that I want to be a parent in any way, shape, or form (ever, really)--but it does begin to bring things into perspective. I can't even wrap my brain around the concept of having a child now and it both baffles and amazes me that people my age do it (and often willingly!). I can barely afford to pay rent in my overpriced, too small (and let's face it, shitty) apartment, I split a bottle of wine or a sixer with Joe about every single night, I'm drowning in debt (and i don't even have a masters degree), and I treat my beloved weed-smoking apparatuses as delicately as a new mama would for her bobbling-head offspring. Obviously, I can hardly admit to being an adult, so the idea of having something not only grow inside of me and shoot out of my 'gina, but also have that amount of responsibility is far-flung. But is that so bad?

I'm torn, I suppose. Mostly because I think that if I haven't given myself over to domestication, owning real estate (though I do think i will cry tears of joy when i move into new digs, apartment or otherwise) and cleaning up kiddie shit and vomit, that I should at least have accomplished more career-wise. But let's face it, I seemed to be on a fairly decent track (first job out of college = dream job) until I began to imagine that the grass could always be greener and decided to uproot myself to the East Coast. I have spent basically 9 months temping and now 9 months in literary/publishing hell. And interviews after interviews have not proven to be fruitful in the least bit. I have made a personal vow to quit this job (or at least give my 2 weeks) by my birthday but the thought of going back to a life of temping (even though I was getting paid more than I am now) is scary and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm doomed to be a 26-year-old (maybe even 27) waaay underpaid editorial assistant. I can't afford this shit lifestyle anymore. Girl has a shitload of bills to pay! At any rate, my freelance writing gigs are giving me a little bit of self-worth (and cash). If only I could afford to parlay that into a fulltime freelancing career.....

When I think about what other people my age are doing (some I know personally, others I don't), it makes me envious to the point of infuriation. Some are writing books, others are running magazines (not working at...RUNNING!), writing screenplays, some are cashing in on amazing marketing ideas (Youtube, Collegehumer.com)or jetting off to exotic places and meeting incredible people. It's absurd. Where's my big idea? I probably smoke too many drugs. Seriously, though. Every day I see a web site or marketing concept that just blows me away. Case in point: http://www.sexybeaststyle.com/(why didn't i think of that?) and then I discover that the brainchild is 23 years old. Fuuuuck.

Sigh. I need a break, big time. Career change? Dream job? New city? A lotto win? I'll take whatever comes my way first as long as it allows me to enjoy myself more than worrying about my goddamn student loans to the point that i wake up in a cold sweat at night. Are these symptoms of that so-called "quarter-life crisis"? I don't really know, but whatever it is, 26 isn't going to be much fun unless some changes happen.